Over the past few years, robbers and burglars seem to be stuffing some sausage inside their pants.
Take Charles Truman Davis, a 62 year old man, who in 2011 was charged with armed robbery after allegedly stuffing sausage inside his pants and pulling a knife at the Piggly Wiggly, before making his getaway across state lines on bicycle.
Davis didn’t even know when to stop … you might get away with one big sausage showing in the front of your pants … but four?
Yep Davis put four packs of Conecuh Sausage down his trousers – making him look like a deformed four dick hustler. When he was caught by the police department, the sausage was missing … thank goodness it didn’t get put back on the shelves at the Piggy Wiggly.
And what’s the deal with Texas? In small-town Burkburnett a man was recently arrested after reportedly stealing a Slim Jim sausage link from a store and trying to hide it in his pants.
Afterall, a $2.89 Slim Jim isn’t exactly big and bulky where it’s going to show up when its pushed down the front of your underware.
36-year-old Bryan Tresenritter allegedly stole the sausage and concealed it in his pants on Feb. 13 before he was confronted by the female 7-Eleven store clerk. The arrest warrant says the employee tried to escort Tresenritter to an office inside the store (we guess it was to wait for police) when the suspect pushed her and twisted her wrist before fleeing in a black Lincoln.
But come on … a Slim Jim.
If you’re looking for a big sausage, go ahead and try one of the great products on mybigdong.com then at least you won’t be embarrassed if someone mistakes a slim jim in the pants for something else.
If only Michael Williams had known about www.mybigdong.com he might not be sitting in the McLennan County (Texas) jail today.
The 59-year-old Waco man was arrested and put behind bars after police say he robbed a drugstore of male enhancement products – and assaulted two employees when they tried to stop him.
Now that’s an embarrassing situation. If he had gone to this website he could have pulled out his credit card, instead of worrying about pulling on something else, and ordered up any number of penis enlargement and male enhancement products ranging from pills to penis pumps, penile enlargement patches and even bought my favorite … the Slap Happy Masturbation Cream.
Instead poor old Michael shoplifted some herbal supplements advertised to offer “male enhancement,” valued at about $50 … and now he’s really paying the price.
Waco police said when employees tried to stop him, Williams pushed both employees aside, knocked one woman to the ground and causing an injury to her knee before fleeing the store.
In just a matter of hours, the Waco police had Williams in custody and last we heard he remained in the McLennan County Jail in lieu of a $5,000 bond. No word on whether he had a chance to swallow any of the pills before he was taken into custody … or whether or not it had any effect on his ability to be really popular in a jail cell.
Now the whole sordid affair may have not given Williams a big dong, but it sure made him a big dick in the eyes of many folks in Waco and around the world.